Pardon me while I curl up into the fetal position and wonder what it is about a college education that builds character.

I don't believe in romantic love, I have no need for another illusion.
Yes, you can love someone. You can love your friends, your families, and your dog, so of course you can love your boyfriend or wife. But there's no such thing as being truly In Love. Love is an illusion, not that that's a negative thing, it just is. And to be In Love is simply to buy into the same version of that illusion. I'm not In Love with Bobby because he and I don't share the same version of the illusion of Love. He and Suzy do. So he and Suzy are In Love. And the day they marry and say "This is a dream come true", it is not a Dream Come True but a shared dream that they have acted out together. That Dream didn't Come True, those two people simple lived out the dream they both shared in their heads.
There is so much pressure to Fall In Love. It appears to be everywhere and with everyone you know. As if to be In Love is the greatest idea of all, as if it's the greatest shared passion there is. But it is just an idea, just an illusion. So much energy is put into finding someone that has the same version of the Illusion in their heart, someone whose heart projects the same image of Love that your's does. You can't rush a search like that, you shouldn't be discouraged when you go to bed at night without finding that person yet. It's an illusion, it's something that you dream up on your own and you can't be anxious to find it so early in life. Sure it happens often enough when people are young, but not always. To rush into something early and convince yourself that being In Love is something other than what it really is - a shared Illusion - is to settle for something that neither of you can be truly happy with.
Decide if you care enough about giving in to the Illusion. Figure out how your heart pictures the Illusion. Be patient while you wait to find someone whose heart pictures the Illusion the same way that your's does.

Today I read an article about why someone loved being married
I was disappointed
Even though I had no expectations, my heart dropped a little after reading
And I continue to fear that marriage will never appeal to me

It's funny how sometimes I say I don't want things
Things that really I'd beg for if that's what it took

There was just a soldier being interviewed from Afghanistan on TV
Looking at him I would have guessed he was in his mid-twenties
He's younger than I am
They were talking about the war in Afghanistan that's been going on since 9/11
Since he was in the sixth grade
With gel in his hair, a soccer uniform in the wash, dirty socks under his bed
But here he is today, a grown man fighting in the same war that started 7 years ago
I wonder if he even understood what was happening when this all started
And if he did, if he ever thought it could possibly still be the same today

What a sad thing to see things the way they really are

As if I don't feel guilty enough or apologize enough!
I hate being ill because you just feel miserable and so guilty, sending messages of remorse from your brain to your body without actually knowing what you've done to upset it
Hoping it forgives you in time for school the next day
The other day Sam mentioned in his sermon about how he often finds himself praying when he's feeling really ill, praying that God will make him feel better and in exchange he'll do good things and not bad things
When I fall ill, I pray to my body. I beg it to get better and not be so full of anger (in the form of a virus, of course) and in return I'll use better handsoap, wash my hair more often, eat more vegetables, etc.
But my body always stays bitter, denying my pleas and finding pleasure in my pain
No, I just do not appreciate being ill

Sometimes the best you can do is wait the night out
With a box of Girl Scouts' Thin Mints and a kitty at your feet
With a bed rumpled from tossing and turning
With your phone on silent but still close so you can see it blinking
With strangers' voices lulling and pitching
With The Weepies streaming from your computer speakers
With your eyes drooping, blinking, drooping again
With a worn out pep talk on repeat in the back of your mind
With a smile ready to deny that anything at all is the matter